I know this didn’t work out the way you wanted.
I know you thought it would be all roses and wild, disastrous passion, and I’m sorry that that’s not the way it turned out.
So here you are again. Maybe you’ve been here before, and every time, you’ve sworn you wouldn’t come back to this place, where the disappointment burns and lingers.
But this time, you expected it to be different. I know that you got your hopes up, despite every indication that you shouldn’t, and for a while, you were so happy.
And then you got let down. She brought you back down to reality, and now you’re contending with the gap between the way things really are and the beautiful fantasy world that existed in your head. And that is a very large gap.
I know that it’s hard to get over all that disappointment. Maybe you’re kicking yourself now for saying something, for initiating whatever conversation led to the downfall of your big dream, but at least now you know. You’re no longer just operating on what you hope to be true. Now you know.
You keep asking why. For just a minute there, didn’t things look like they could go your way?
But didn’t you already kind of know it would turn out this way? Didn’t you suspect it, before she even said anything? Maybe she stopped texting you back, or maybe when you talked with her, she was always looking beyond you, checking out everyone else in the room. You never really had all her attention.
Wasn’t that everything you needed to know, right there, in the pauses between her sentences, or that time at the party where you saw her reach out to touch his hand as she left?
And now she’s off doing whatever, with her perfect lips, or whatever it was that made you fall in love with her. Go ahead, pick your detail. She and her perfect lips are off wherever it is that you left her, living out their perfect, happy life.
But in reality, her life probably isn’t so great. I’m sure she has her own problems to attend to. She has her own things that she thinks about, late at night. She has her own set of issues and concerns, but all you could see was that she was the answer to yours.
Even when she would tell you about them, when she told you straight up, in the clearest way she was able, that she probably wasn’t the one for you, you kept at it. You were so committed. You were betrothed to your grand vision.
Or maybe you weren’t. Maybe you didn’t know what you wanted at all, and that was part of the charm of it. You were so unsure, and yet you were drawn in. And then you got broken.
So. I don’t know why this happened. I wish I could tell you. I wish I could roll out the whole master plan and point to the one place in the puzzle that made the particulars of this beautiful dream impossible to sustain in the real world.
But I can’t. All I can tell you for certain is that you are still alive. You are still here, breathing, and that means that your story is still being written.
We don’t know who she is going to meet, or who you are going to meet.
We don’t know how, in the future, it might look to you like this situation actually turned out in your favor. That the reality you create instead might be so beautiful that you look back at the life you envisioned with her and say, “Why did I ever think that that was the best option available to me?”
There might be hope for you yet.
There might be entire adventures that will reveal themselves the instant you let her go.
Maybe the minute you let go, space will be made for something else to bloom.
So sit back. Enjoy the ride. And in the comments, let me know how you’re doing. Much love.